I wake up one day with the feeling that everything has been taken away from me. I lost my job, I broke up with my boyfriend, I have so little savings, and I am four months away from my work permit expiration which means going home with barely nothing. I would be hypocrite if I would say that I am okay coz I am not. I think no sane person could actually be fine with all these things that are happenings in one’s life. I would sometimes stare at the ceiling of my room in the middle of the night thinking of what could have possible gone wrong. I would sometimes find myself asking questions that I have no idea how to answer. Why did we broke up? Why did I got laid off? Why did I become so complacent with my savings not thinking that I would one day lost my job or my contract will not be renewed by my employer? But after all the thinking, all I know is that I will never be able to bring back the broken relationship, the lost job, or the necessary amount of savings. And with that realization, I became aware of what God wants me to realized and understand, and that is, His plans are better than mine and that He will always close some doors to keep me from being hurt.
Yes, I lost my job but I know I will find a better one. Or better yet, maybe there is a better job waiting for me when I go home. I may be earning four times as much as I was earning back then but the question is, am I happy with all these money? What is it that I always want to do for myself? I was back to my original dream, to be able to find a job that will not hinder nor limit my time as I offer it to the Lord through dancing. I may be earning a lot now but looking at my relationship with Hm for the past two years, it was never growing and healthy. In fact, it’s malnourished and dying.
Yes, I am heartbroken now. But the question is, will I be happier with a man who wants me to do something that I am not willing to do? Who argues with my faith in God? Who questions the principles and beliefs that I have kept for 27 years? Does doing”it” guarantee that we will still be together now?And will it assure me that he will be the person that will take me to the altar? Yes, I am hurt. But I’d rather lose him than lose my relationship with God. I’d rather get my heart broken than be with a man that doesn’t respect what I believe and what I always stand for. I’d rather get my heart broken than be with a man who will make me forget God, my First Love.
Yes, I may be going home with little money than what I was expecting but then, money isn’t everything. I may be going home with so little digits on my bank account but I will never go home empty-handed. I will surely bring home with me memories and learning that I will forever keep in my heart. I have so much fun and adventure for the past two years that going home now won’t mean I am at a losing end. There’s no such thing as losing in the game of life. It’s always winning or learning. I may not be that successful in this endeavour but I will never say that I lost in this level of my life. I only get stronger as the wind gets fiercer. I only get braver when I see waves as high as the mountains. And I will stand firmer because I know amidst all these, God is with me. I have chosen to remain under the protection and the safe embrace of my first love. And I know that under His care, all is well.
Keep the faith. God closes doors so that we will be able to advance to the next level of bigger and more abundant blessings. He closes doors because it is His way of pushing us to higher grounds and new territories. Embrace the suffering. Savour the pain because it’s God’s way of saying, “My child, I have to hurt you so that I can bring out the best in you. I have to break you so that my strength will be manifested in you. I have closed this door because if I haven’t done it, You might have suffered more pain. I am pushing you away from your comfort zone because you are becoming more comfortable in it and I feel like you don’t want to move to the next chapter of your life anymore. I have allowed all these because that is the only way that you will receive the blessing that I have prepared for you. I have to do this because I LOVE YOU!!”
Stay in love! Stay in God’s Love
Sarah Dawn 🙂