August 11, 2015
My life has been a mess lately. I became impatient and weary in waiting for you so I decided to give it a try with someone else hoping that you might be him. And now, I end up broken and hurt. I should have waited. But sometimes, the waiting becomes the most challenging. I have no idea when we will be able to meet, if I will be able to know you, or if I you even exist. I’ve always been a believer of fairy tales and happy endings. I am a great fan of Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) for her story is a tale of true patience. But I guess, the part where she slept for a thousand years makes the “waiting” less painful and more bearable. I am also a fan of Belle (Beauty and the Beast). Her’s is a story of real and authentic love, a love that was never skin-deep. But I guess, she was never given a choice not to be with Beast in the first place that’s why she was able to make the most of what she has. You see, these two characters exemplify patience, acceptance, real and authentic love, and contentment. But I am neither Belle nor Aurora. And even though my name is Princess Aurora when you translate it, I am no royalty. Sometimes, I would even think that I am just a plain Jane. I am never a head turner. I am more of the boyish Jane than the girly Jane. And I am definitely not princess when you take into account how this world defines a “princess”.
I never thought that I would be able to love him (the one that broke my heart). I promised that I would never be in a relationship with someone unless I would know that he is “the one”. But I guess these past few days I am more concerned about finding you than waiting for you. I am more into accepting someone who will come along. I am swallowed by my fear of being alone and of growing old alone. I got scared that you might never find me. I get jealous when I see my friends post pictures of how happy they are with their husband/wife or with their boyfriend/girlfriend. I get envious about how they were able to find “The One” while here I am broken and hurt and is impatiently waiting for you. When will you ever come into my life? Or will you ever be coming into this messy life of mine?
After the entire trial-and-error scheme, I’ve come to realize that I’d rather wait for you than be broken again. I couldn’t wait to meet you. I couldn’t wait to finally get to know you. I couldn’t wait to make memories with you. I couldn’t wait to know your mannerisms and quirks. I can’t wait to hold your hand or hear you laugh. I can’t wait to be part of your life. I hope you are looking forward in meeting me too.
But for now, I think I need to learn to be more patient and to be contented with what is happening in my life. I think I need to be more prepared for our meeting. I think I need to be more responsible with my actions, to be more honest with myself to what I really want. I need to become better for you, to be a great person that you can be proud of. I need to learn to be happy being alone so that I can be happy being with you. I just hope you won’t take long. But one thing is for sure, I’ll wait for you even if it takes forever.
Ms. Patiently Waiting
Stay in love! Stay in God’s love!