Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point
Hello there! This is Day 7 of The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge and I must admit, this challenge is way more difficult than what I have expected. There were times in the past seven days that I would just lie on my bed, stare at the ceiling of my room, pondering and contemplating about the topic of the day. And each topic is equally challenging and though-provoking that sometimes, well often than not, I would find myself thinking about skipping one or more of the topics. Not because I am out of words and creative ideas to write about but because I find the topics too personal and “privy” at some point. I am an introvert and I often hide myself behind my words and the blogs I created but this challenge has stripped me and left me naked, like an open book waiting to be read and commented to and worse, judged. Right now, I am in the middle of mustering all my courage and inner strength just to be able to give my thoughts on today’s topic.
Where am I in my life vs. where I thought I would be at this point?! Difficult, isn’t it? Two years ago, I would have answered this question without batting my eyelashes. I was so sure of myself back then. I am an introvert who overthinks and go crazy over making plans and setting out a properly laid-out course of action in everything that I want to do. But that was two years ago. That was before I set out to Canada to work there. And for the past two years, God has stripped me down, broken my innermost defenses, shattered all the plans that I have laid out just so He can bring out the best in me. Two years ago today, I would never thought that I will be where I am now. This is something that I haven’t planned nor prepared. I never thought that at this point in my life I would be in my hometown enjoying the fresh air and having the time of my life. I want to think that I am still on a vacation, an extended vacation, although for others I am someone who came home abroad jobless. Two years ago today, I would picture myself climbing up the corporate ladder. Two years ago today, I could imagine me spending my life with someone I used to like (well, right now, like would be the proper term because during the course of my two-shattering-breaking-and-turning-point years, I realized that I never loved him. He was just the only option I had back then.)
I would really say that I am not where I thought I would be. My life now is way too different from the one’s I imagined a few years back. BUT I would definitely say that THIS IS WHERE I OUGHT TO BE. I believe that God has given us the freewill and the freedom to choose where we wanted to go or what we desire to do with our life. God’s love for us is so great that He doesn’t want to interfere with how we manage our lives. But I also believe that God is the Perfecter and Accomplisher of everything. I think this is how it goes: We, with our brilliant and powerful minds laid out specific and structured plans in our life. God in His Awesome Greatness, oversee every move and step we take. And through His Marvellous Power, He sees to it that we will not go astray, that we will still walk according to His love and mercy. We choose our path, we decide which way we want to take, but He gives directions, signs, and road blocks and detours and u-turns just in case we made the wrong decisions. Some would call them Divine Intervention, I call them gazillion chances, multiple choices that God has given to me. And in every wrong turn or misguided detour or inaccurate and poor choice, God is always there, waiting in every dead-end, and allowing us to take a new and different route. He is always there to help us close doors and unlock new ones.
I am not where I thought I would be but I think this is where I need to be. 2015 was a year of heartbreaks, failures, pains, and difficulties for me. But I could still say that 2015 is the turning point of my life. I am not where I thought I would be maybe because my plans weren’t 100 percent foolproof. My plan has loopholes and dead-ends and incongruences. But I am still grateful because I am where I am now. I am who I am now. And I will be better than who I used to be in the coming days. I have learned through my failures that life is never about winning nor losing but is more about determination, perseverance, and giving your best shot every time, all the time. I realized, there are multiple chances of success, you just have to continue taking those chances because they will never run out. I have cracked the books of love, and broke my heart in the process, which allows me to embrace the reality that love and pain go hand-in-hand but also that happiness and love are interrelated and that one without the other is never authentic.
I am not where I thought I would be but I will never regret the choices I made or didn’t make because my poor hand-picking skills in the vast array of life’s unusual selection has brought out the best in me. My not-so-intelligent and miscalculated decisions has equipped me into becoming a wiser and well-seasoned person.
I am NOT where I thought I would be. But I know this is where God wants me to be.
Stay in love! Stay in God’s Love!