Posted in Food for Thoughts

Day 15: Narrate a Conversation Between You and Someone Who You Never Had Closure With?

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It’s been a while since I last posted for the #30daysbloggingchallenge. In fact, it has been more than a year since my last post. It’s not that I am busy. I think it is a personal choice. The 15th topic is very daunting. Also, I would say, a year ago, I was very different. Year 2016 was such a very challenging year for me. I have to make a lot of changes with my lifestyle since moving back to the Philippines after two years of staying in Canada. I was struggling on a lot of things, one of which is finding a new job. My finances are not that stable and life is a bit hard.

Aside from that, the topic itself is what I am avoiding. I guess not having the closure that I hoped I would get from my last relationship was difficult for me. It was something that I never imagined. It was something that I never dreamed of in my relationship. Being the perfectionist that I am, not having a closure is a prick in my bubble, sending my world and high expectations crashing to the ground. It’s like opening Pandora’s box and not knowing what disaster might strike me, what goblins and mystical “feelings” might come out, and most especially, what wounds and hurts might be opened up again. It was like poking through an almost-healed wound, seeing the cut open up, and feeling the pain all over again. That is why I decided not to post this last year. I feel I am not ready yet to expose myself for the world to judge.

Continue reading “Day 15: Narrate a Conversation Between You and Someone Who You Never Had Closure With?”

Posted in Rhythms and Rhymes

Where Does Love Go When It Dies

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If the heart is the place where love comes,
Then where does it go when it dies?
Back to the heart where it comes from?
Or turn into tears in the eyes?

But even if one knew the answer
What would one possibly gain
Would the knowledge of where love has gone through
Ease the heartaches, the pain and the sorrow.

Why is it one cannot quite realize
What a blessing this true love can be
Must one love to know it it priceless?
Must one be blinded before one can see?

Ah! Where does love go when it leaves us?
This question will always remain
For we will know the answer
Until we love again.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

I happened to have found this composition somewhere in my old files. I cannot recall writing it so I cannot really take credit to it. This is written in a grungy bond paper through a typewriter. I can’t imagine how old this may have been composed given the manner of how this was written. But nonetheless, this is such a beautiful poem that I can’t resist not to publish. It has made me asked myself too. Where does love go when it dies? Where does it go when it leave us? Or does love really leave and die?

I think love never leave one’s heart nor it dies. It remains (1 Cor 13:13b) forever. However, the pain, the heartache, the sorrow – they usually overpower love.And when they rule our hearts, we tend to believe that our love dies. They say there is a thin line between love and hate and one cannot exist without the other. Therefore, hate cannot exists without love and so is the latter without the previous. Bottomline: LOVE REMAINS FOREVER.

Stay in love. Stay in God’s love.

Sarah Dawn 🙂

PHOTO CREDIT

Posted in Epistles of the Heart

Knock! Knock! It’s Time To Wake Up

I think you have had enough and it’s time to wake up now. You never love him anymore. You only love the things and feelings that he made you experience. You miss the feeling of being with someone who treats you special and honestly, there are other men out there who can treat you better. If he loves you, he could have fought for you. Yet he gave up on you without even trying to make things work when the relationship starts to get shaky and confusing. He left you without giving you any reasons and that alone is an obvious reason to wake up. You’ve been so down and depressed these past days and it has taken it’s toll on your body. You look horrible, to be honest. You aged and look older than your age. You have neglected your body and wallowed on the sadness of your heart. It’s time to shape up like literally!!

It’s time to move on and leave all the pains behind. It’s time to look forward to what’s ahead instead of always looking back behind you. The shadows of the past will always be shadows, a formless and non-existent mass of darkness if you choose to stay in the light. Never stay in the dark or away from the light. That will only make the shadows reappear. The past cannot be undone. It will always be there. However, you can always choose to move forward and never let these pains and hurt tie a shackle in your feet. You have the option to overcome it or empower it. Never let the latter got ahead of you. Never empower your past hurt because it will enslave you. Instead, overcome it. Show these shadows who the real master is, and it’s you. The power is all in you hands. You just have to choose it, badly want it, and to never let whatever negativities pull you down.

Girl, remember this: We are all fighting our own battles. But those who emerged winners don’t always have the best past. They are usually those who happen to have the most difficult past but have become masters of these difficulties. I’ve known you better and you can do better than this. You are a fighter. Never let these pain dull your sword. Instead, use this as an additional weapon to fight what’s ahead of you.

It’s been a year. It’s but timely to leave all these hurt behind. Be happy for him that despite all that he’s been through and done, someone still love him more than you do. You will eventually find that man who will do the same for you, who will love you and treasure you more that he has ever made you feel. And if in case that man will never come to your life, never think that he could have been him only you never gave your best shot for this relationship. You did, more than anyone could ever imagine. It’s just that he failed to see it. He failed to value all the sacrifices you gave to make the relationship work. He never saw how bad you felt for bending those principles that you have kept hidden in your heart.

Knock! Knock on your head! It’s time to let go…And the perfect time is NOW!!

And one more thing, the best revenge you can ever give him is to show him that you are better, that your life is better, that you are happy and successful without him. It’s time to do those things for yourself. Do those things that make you happy.

 

Posted in Epistles of the Heart

A Letter To You From The Cracks Of My Heart

Hello dearest,

Wherever you are right now, I pray that God is the center of your heart. I pray that you, too, desires to please Him, that you are seeking Him more than you are looking for me. I never prayed for you to come in my life before. Maybe that is why we haven’t met yet. However, right now, I often wake up in the middle of the night with a creeping loneliness in my heart. I feel so empty and there is this part of me that longs to know you, that longs to meet you soon.

Right now, more that anyone or anything else, I pray that God will ease the loneliness in my heart. I pray that He will replace this with patience. I know I am such a wreck right now and it would be so unfair if you will meet me in my current state. You would probably dislike me coz my cracks are so visible, you might even be devoured by it.

I am a work-in-progress and I would definitely want that you will meet me when I’m fully functional, not that I would be completed anytime soon because I know completion is such a long process. I pray that when we finally meet, you will love the cracks and the quirks, you will appreciate the weirdness of how my life is organized, you will accept the darkness of my past and you will still be there to illuminate the path towards my future, a future that I am so willing to share with you.

I am scared, you know. Scared that you might not be able to find me. There are moments when I would just try to figure out and imagine how are you or what are you up to. I am so excited to hear your stories and to share mine as well. Please don’t arrive soon though because I feel I still have so much fixing to do in my life. However, please pray for me that I will be fixed soon, that God will heal me sooner so that I will be whole again when I will finally meet you.

I long to see you. I long serve God with you. And most especially, I long to grow old with you.

Best regards,

Twilight Princess

 

Posted in Food for Thoughts

One Day, Someday

I wish I can pick out the memories I have with you and throw them away. I wish I will have selective amnesia and wipe out all the thoughts I have for you. I wish I could turn back time and I have never loved you. But all these are just wishful thinking, all these are hopeless wishes because I can never forget how you hold me. I can never erase the feeling of how you kissed me. And I can never turn back time and unlove you. For if that would have been possible, I could have done it the moment I realized that you have let me go.

I keep on telling myself that I will be alright. You said that I can be happy without you in my life. I believed it too for I thought I have been a strong woman. But ever since I met you, you torn down my walls. You broken down my shield. You showed me that life is more wonderful when I have someone to take care of me instead of me taking care of myself. You shattered my defenses and left me vulnerable and weak. You have broken me into pieces and I am grappling in the dark all by myself. You took away the smile that I have is my eyes and replaced it with tears. You stole the happiness in my heart and put bitterness and hate. You will never understand what you have put me through until you will go through the same kind of pain that I have gone through.

But one thing I learned, you can never take aways the Love that I have inside me. The Love that Christ has given me on the cross. You will never take away the one thing that I held so tight. You may have shattered my heart into pieces that I cannot put back together but I will still have that genuine love that I found in Christ. And you can never take that away from me.

One day I will learn to smile again. Someday, I will find happiness and joy in my life again. And soon enough, I will be able to stand on my own again, I will be stronger than I’ve ever been. I will be able look back in this chapter of my life and just laugh at how stupid I was and how foolish you are. I will be able to find someone who will value and respect my faith and my love for Christ. I will be able to share that genuine love that I have found in Christ with someone who will never question my love for God, my beliefs in Him, and my passion to serve Him; who will love God more than he loves me, and who will bring me closer to God through his love for me. And one day, someday, I will love again.

Posted in Food for Thoughts

Five Ways to Master the Art of Letting Go


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I’ve been given the chance to feel love. I’ve had so much experiences, mostly hurtful, about this damn thing called LOVE. I am not perfect and definitely not a totally good person but I deserve to be happy, right? Everyone deserves to be happy. We all do. But why do we experience all these pains and heartbreak? Why do we have to cry ourselves to sleep? Why do we need to drown ourselves in music just to numb our feelings, tune out all these stupid thoughts and questions in our brain, zone out to that place of emotionlessness.

Music is my best friend and my dark room is my refuge. I really love being in the dark because no one sees me. No one sees the tears. No one knows my pain. No one hears my sob. In darkness there is solitude. But in darkness there is also loneliness. But music is there. And music keeps me company. These are the times when one song and only one song keeps on playing, on repeat. These are the times when I just want to drown myself with the music. Let the song speak for me coz I have no strength to voice out, to describe all the pains and hurts that are inside me. If only I am strong enough to leave these all behind. If only I have the strength to drop these baggages and focus on what’s ahead of me. And I know that in one way or another, we all have these stupid moments in our lives. Those moments of failed relationships and broken heart.

They say “letting go” is the best thing to do. Ideally that is the super “bestest” thing to do. But honestly? That is the most difficult thing to do. And I am no expert in this art of letting go. But let me give you some point on how to move on and get back on track because seriously, it’s your life and there’s no one but you who will decide what to do with it.

1. Realize that PAIN is all in the mind

So you are in pain. You are betrayed and cheated. He/She left you hanging in the air, like you were holding in a single-stringed balloon and suddenly POP! – the balloon burst and you came crashing to the ground. That totally hurts. But you see, there is no physical pain, the pain that you felt is all in the mind. Admit it, but its your ego that was trashed. You have thoughts like “I have done my best in this relationship” or “why is my best not enough for him” or the worst “what have done wrong?” Seriously? You are in pain right now because you keep on thinking that it was your fault. My dear, THAT PAIN is only in your mind. And the more you dwell on those thoughts about what could have gone wrong or was your best not enough, the more you pierce yourself with that knife you have in your hand. So, clear that mind and start seeing the brighter side of that break up!

2. Show some respect for yourself

You are in pain? YES. You know that pain is only in the mind? YES. But you don’t want to eat. You don’t want to get out of your room. You don’t even want to take a bath! Now that is too much. You’re already in too much emotional pain, why would you still subject yourself in more physical pain like ulcer, hang over, headache, and stink! What you have in this very difficult time of your life is yourself and YOU ought to give that self some of your respect and love. Remember, no one will love you if you don’t love yourself. But you will insist that you want to be alone, you want to disappear, that you want to die. Crap! That’s bull s#*t!! You will never be able to get your boyfriend/girlfriend back if you die. Simple! I know we need to cry over something that we lost, but doing that for more than a month is not healthy. So open that bedroom window, get a warm bath, put on your best clothes, and start living a life that you deserve.

3. Remember that Life is not just pure happiness

There is no need to expound on this. All I have to say is that, you should accept that you will never be able to experience total happiness while you are still alive. Pain, hurt, loss, being cheated, and betrayal are all part of living. So you were betrayed? Be thankful coz you are still alive. Period!

4. Learn from your past and grow

They say, good experiences make us happy while bad experiences make us strong. So you had a bad relationship. You’ve been through a very mind-blowing break up. Are you going to sulk? Are yo going to drown yourself in beer and wine? Will you let yourself stink and rot and die in your room? Think again. Everything happens for a reason. Yes, you are allowed to drink and mourn over the loss. You’ve been so down and lost but remember: THIS IS NOT THE END! As long as you are alive and you are breathing, life goes on. You may be hurt now but don’t let this stop you from living. There is so much to learn, so many places to explore, and so many fishes in the sea! So you are hurt. Fine! But you need to let it go for you to grow and become stronger and fiercer and bolder.

5. Reflect and pray

Sometimes, we feel so hurt that we question ourselves what have we done wrong. We ask ourselves why all these happen or what have we done in the past to deserve such misery. But sometimes, we couldn’t find any answer. Because honestly, there is no answer to those questions. Things happen because they ought to happen. It’s neither because you’ve done something nor this is your Karma. It is not because you have not given your best that is why your current relationship fail. We need to reflect over the past events in our lives not because we need to know where have we gone wrong but because we need to determine where God is leading us. Sometimes, relationships fail because God has better plans in our lives. Reflect on His words and let His embrace cover you in this dark moment of your life. The first four pointers will be useless if God won’t exist in our life. Pray for healing and let His love overflow in your heart.

So how can we master the art of letting go? It is by praying and believing that God’s mercy, love and grace will surely help us through the pain. Letting go will not be a piece of cake, it will never be easy. But with God, nothing is impossible. Let go and let God!

PHOTO CREDIT: http://bellawonder.com/2011/09/22/letting-go/