Posted in Epistles of the Heart

Icy Walls Broken Down

She built her walls so strong no one can break through it. She built her walls so high hoping no one can climb over it. When she got her heart broken, she vowed to never let her heart be smashed again, to never let anyone penetrate her walls again. She was okay for quite some time. She has learned to stand on her own again. She has returned to her solo flight mode, eating out alone and strolling the malls on her own, enjoying her own company. She was okay – or so she thought she was. She was so confident that her refuge, her ground is safe and secure.

You came unexpectedly. You were boring – lacking depth. She finds having small talks with you agonizing. She was about to give up on you but someone told her, “Hey, why don’t you give him a chance. Maybe he’s just gaining his footing.” And so she told herself, “Okay! One more try.”

The days passed and she gets to know you better. She gets to know who the real you is, your struggles, the difficulties you’ve been through, the heartaches that shattered you million times. She admired your belief in love, your faith in humanity and the goodness of the human heart. You’ve endured so much pain and had gone through a lot of difficulties growing up yet you remain kind-hearted. Never did you let all those pains and sufferings from hardening your heart. And here she is, with just a teeny-tiny bit of pain from the past and she was retreating to her cave again, she was hiding behind her walls, she was shutting everyone out. She admired how you still believe in love, in happy endings, in #forever even if you were cheated on, betrayed and hurt. She cannot believe that there ever exists someone who is so kind and loving as you are even after everything that you’ve been through.

iStock_000018767461XSmallShe never realized that her walls weren’t strong enough until one day, she just felt it melting and crumbling down. She wasn’t prepared for the strong earthquake, the tremendous shake that shattered her walls and broken down her defenses. You’ve turned her walls into sheets of ice making her realized how cold her heart is. And the warmth of your heart slowly melted them away. She was left vulnerable and unsafe again. She has opened her heart to you without her knowing it. Little did she know, you have slowly made a space in her heart. For her, your absence is uncomfortable; your silence is very painful. She was really scared. You are so like her and she is you in most aspects of your beliefs and principles in life. But one thing she loves about you is that she can be who she is, the goofy, funny, carefree little girl that has been hiding inside a strong and independent woman. She could be Ms. Clingy. She could be crazy. She could be funny and weird and most of all, she could laugh without limits, not thinking whether it’s prim and proper or not. She can be who she is when she is with you.

She woke up one day and realized that you’ve already created a personal space in her heart. You already occupied a portion of her heart and without you in it, she felt empty and incomplete.

And she just woke up one day, walls broken, unsafe, uncomfortable,  vulnerable and in love…

You broke her walls. You shattered her defenses…

But you built a wall of love around her heart. You created a steady stream of happiness in her life. She will be forever thankful to you for showing her how wonderful it is to love and to be loved again. For giving her the privilege to feel this kind of feeling, this euphoria of blissful happiness. For loving her and for making her understand why it never worked out with those from her past. And she will always be thankful to those who left you because if they stayed, she will not have the chance to be with you. She is very grateful for your coming into her life in the most unexpected, unimaginable way ever.

Your arms and your loving embrace is her safe refuge now. She doesn’t need walls. Your love is enough to keep her safe.

 

Stay in Love. Stay in God’s Love  ❤

Sarah Dawn 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Epistles of the Heart

Knock! Knock! It’s Time To Wake Up

I think you have had enough and it’s time to wake up now. You never love him anymore. You only love the things and feelings that he made you experience. You miss the feeling of being with someone who treats you special and honestly, there are other men out there who can treat you better. If he loves you, he could have fought for you. Yet he gave up on you without even trying to make things work when the relationship starts to get shaky and confusing. He left you without giving you any reasons and that alone is an obvious reason to wake up. You’ve been so down and depressed these past days and it has taken it’s toll on your body. You look horrible, to be honest. You aged and look older than your age. You have neglected your body and wallowed on the sadness of your heart. It’s time to shape up like literally!!

It’s time to move on and leave all the pains behind. It’s time to look forward to what’s ahead instead of always looking back behind you. The shadows of the past will always be shadows, a formless and non-existent mass of darkness if you choose to stay in the light. Never stay in the dark or away from the light. That will only make the shadows reappear. The past cannot be undone. It will always be there. However, you can always choose to move forward and never let these pains and hurt tie a shackle in your feet. You have the option to overcome it or empower it. Never let the latter got ahead of you. Never empower your past hurt because it will enslave you. Instead, overcome it. Show these shadows who the real master is, and it’s you. The power is all in you hands. You just have to choose it, badly want it, and to never let whatever negativities pull you down.

Girl, remember this: We are all fighting our own battles. But those who emerged winners don’t always have the best past. They are usually those who happen to have the most difficult past but have become masters of these difficulties. I’ve known you better and you can do better than this. You are a fighter. Never let these pain dull your sword. Instead, use this as an additional weapon to fight what’s ahead of you.

It’s been a year. It’s but timely to leave all these hurt behind. Be happy for him that despite all that he’s been through and done, someone still love him more than you do. You will eventually find that man who will do the same for you, who will love you and treasure you more that he has ever made you feel. And if in case that man will never come to your life, never think that he could have been him only you never gave your best shot for this relationship. You did, more than anyone could ever imagine. It’s just that he failed to see it. He failed to value all the sacrifices you gave to make the relationship work. He never saw how bad you felt for bending those principles that you have kept hidden in your heart.

Knock! Knock on your head! It’s time to let go…And the perfect time is NOW!!

And one more thing, the best revenge you can ever give him is to show him that you are better, that your life is better, that you are happy and successful without him. It’s time to do those things for yourself. Do those things that make you happy.

 

Posted in Food for Thoughts

A Poem by Russell Kelfer

It is my second day in reading “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. Actually, this is the nth time of trying to complete the 40-day journey with this book. I always fail to finish the book even though how much I wanted to. I hope this time around, I will be able to make it to the end of the 40 days.

Anyway, I was reading the passage for Day 2 and at the end of the article, a poem by Russell Kelfer was written.

you-are-who-you-are-for-a-reason

I feel like my heart was pierced and I cannot help the tears from falling down my eyes.

“God love you.”

He loves you and me more than anything He has ever created. He created us so he can express his LOVE.

“No, that trauma you faced was not easy and God wept that it hurt you so. But it was allowed to shape your heart so that into His likeness you’d grow.”

I often feel alone these past few days. Every failure, every mistake, every wrong decision seem to magnify the loneliness and emptiness in my heart. I fail to realize that God is there too. He is weeping with me as each tear fall. He felt bad for me every time I fail or make a wrong decision. But despite all the darkness I was in, God is there, constantly telling me that HE LOVES ME.

“BUT I WAS TOO STUBBORN TO REALIZE THAT.”

I was too preoccupied in making everything right and covering every bit of mistake that I fail to appreciate that He is shaping through all the pain.

God loves me. He loves us all.

 

Stay in love. Stay in God’s love!

Dawn 🙂

Posted in Food for Thoughts

Pitter-Patters on The Roof

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She stares blankly on the pouring rain. The noise of the pitter-patters on the roof is trying to drown the voice from within. There are so many voices lately that she cannot figure out which is true and which is not. She wished she could stay curled in her bed all day, curved like a ball in the hope that doing so could lessen the emptiness she felt inside. The booming thunder cannot surpass the thuds of her heart as it beats faster and faster like raising thunderbolts across her chest. With each thud comes heaviness of breathing she cannot define. It seems like someone is trying to gag her mouth and want her dead by suffocation. Yes, death would be such a welcoming treat because it would mean silence from all the voices she cannot even understand. It would mean relief from all the emptiness inside. It would mean comfort from all the pain she kept hiding inside.

“Ahhhhhhhhh! Noooooo! Heeeeellllpppp!”

Three loud shouts came out of her mouth. And not long after, her mother rushed to her side. She’s been like that for the past three months. Panic attack is her frequent visitor. Her mother hugged her, trying to calm her down. Her shirt is soaked in sweat yet her palms are cold and white. Fear is painted across her face as if someone is trying to hurt her. As tears slowly fall from her eyes, as the heaviness of breathings starts to subside, she felt the soothing calmness of the pitter-patters on the roof.

She is a survivor and she will overcome all these madness she is currently facing. Whatever it takes, how long it may take, she will survive. Life has been bad lately. Things aren’t turning out the way she planned them to be. But she is hopeful, she will make it through.

She stares outside again but this time, no pouring rain. Instead, painted across the sky is a promise, a hope of a better, colourful tomorrow. She will still have panic attacks, that’s for sure. But death is never an option.

Life is beautiful! Never give up when problems try to pull you down. Believe that everything will be alright.

Stay in love! Stay in God’s love!

Dawn 🙂

 

Posted in Epistles of the Heart

A Letter To You From The Cracks Of My Heart

Hello dearest,

Wherever you are right now, I pray that God is the center of your heart. I pray that you, too, desires to please Him, that you are seeking Him more than you are looking for me. I never prayed for you to come in my life before. Maybe that is why we haven’t met yet. However, right now, I often wake up in the middle of the night with a creeping loneliness in my heart. I feel so empty and there is this part of me that longs to know you, that longs to meet you soon.

Right now, more that anyone or anything else, I pray that God will ease the loneliness in my heart. I pray that He will replace this with patience. I know I am such a wreck right now and it would be so unfair if you will meet me in my current state. You would probably dislike me coz my cracks are so visible, you might even be devoured by it.

I am a work-in-progress and I would definitely want that you will meet me when I’m fully functional, not that I would be completed anytime soon because I know completion is such a long process. I pray that when we finally meet, you will love the cracks and the quirks, you will appreciate the weirdness of how my life is organized, you will accept the darkness of my past and you will still be there to illuminate the path towards my future, a future that I am so willing to share with you.

I am scared, you know. Scared that you might not be able to find me. There are moments when I would just try to figure out and imagine how are you or what are you up to. I am so excited to hear your stories and to share mine as well. Please don’t arrive soon though because I feel I still have so much fixing to do in my life. However, please pray for me that I will be fixed soon, that God will heal me sooner so that I will be whole again when I will finally meet you.

I long to see you. I long serve God with you. And most especially, I long to grow old with you.

Best regards,

Twilight Princess

 

Posted in Epistles of the Heart

A letter to all my fellow ladies: Don’t just settle, please

dont-settle-for-anybody-love-quotes-sayings-picturesOriginally published here.

Ladies, read carefully and make it your life’s motto- ‘Do not settle!’. Don’t settle into a job that makes you hate your life. Don’t settle with living in a town that never even felt like home. Don’t settle with having friends that turn their backs on you the minute you leave. And please, whatever you do, don’t ever settle with love that just doesn’t feel real.

You are worthy of nothing but the best. And the best will come your way only if you make it happen!

You truly deserve to be with someone special; someone who will laugh at your lame jokes, someone who will give you a big hug when you really need one, someone who will want to hold your hand through all the good times, as well as the bad.

You deserve the guy who can handle a real relationship, not the guy who just wants a fling; the guy who is ready to commit, not the guy who is unsure of his feelings for you; the guy who would do anything to make you happy, not the guy who is too self-absorbed to care about anyone else’s happiness.

Continue reading “A letter to all my fellow ladies: Don’t just settle, please”

Posted in Food for Thoughts

12 Insights Learned From A Broken Heart

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At some point in our lives, we go through pains of broken heart and broken relationships. In man’s pursuit for love, pain and suffering is inevitable. However, in every pain and suffering one goes through, we can always learn and gain insights that can equip us in moving forward and in trying to love again. These lessons make us stronger in facing life’s struggles and challenges.

I have my fair share of pains, human as I am. However, I am grateful for all the teachings life has given me. I hope that these insights will also inspire everyone to believe that love is just around the bend and that no failure is truly a failure, but are blessings-in-disguise and lessons in life.

1. Never love someone’s possibilities

You are the optimist. You believe that there is goodness in every one. You know that someday, he will change and you will live happily ever after. However, after one year, three years or maybe seven years, he is still the same a**h*le that he is. You get frustrated. You started to fight and little did you know, the relationship started to fail. It is going the drain or sinking in the sand. And where did it leave you? You were left broken, empty, and pained. Why? It is not because the relationship fails. It is not because you end up walking away from each other and living separate lives. The main reason is you hold on to a possibility of him – of him changing into someone you envisioned, someone you wanted him to become. You love some alter ego, unrealistic personality that you expect him to be. Loving is accepting who he is without the thought of transforming him into a perfect guy in a shining armor. Never love someone’s possibilities. You’ll end up hurt, broken, and frustrated.

2. You cannot give what you do not have

An empty well cannot give fresh water. Likewise, a person full of hurt and pain cannot give real love. Hurt and frustration will only lead to distrust and suspicions. That is the reason why, every broken person should properly heal before engaging in another relationship. You can never give love if inside your heart, all you feel is pain. Let yourself heal before you enter into a new relationship. You can never love with all your heart if it is not whole in the first place.

3. You are more than enough but sometimes others can’t see it

After every failed relationship, we often ask ourselves what went wrong or why we weren’t enough for him. I learned that being enough is so subjective. You may be lacking for him but never let that get the best in you. A person who will tell you that you’re not enough or that you’re not who they dreamed of being with is selfish because they only think of their own happiness and contentment. Anyone who told you that you’re not good, you’re not worth it, and you’re not enough for him is someone who is not completely happy with their lives. A happy and contented person will never need anyone to complete them or fulfill any function in their lives because they can survive on their own. Look for someone who wants and not needs you. If he needs you, once that need is not met or if someone is able to supply that need rather than you, he will eventually leave you.

4. Don’t sacrifice your happiness to save a relationship

If the relationship is depriving you the chance to be happy, it is a red flag. It’s time to let go. We all need to be with someone because it amplifies the happiness that we have. Once you are not happy with the relationship, you have to rethink about keeping it. We all make sacrifices when it comes to relationship. However, if it reaches the point that your own happiness is jeopardized, it’s time to re-evaluate.

Likewise, never look for happiness in a relationship. It should start from within you. You must be truly happy being single for you to be happy being in a relationship. Never seek happiness from someone else.

5. Learn when to hold on and when to let go.

Sometimes, holding on is more painful than letting go. It is like holding on to a piece of rope, the tighter your grip is, the more abraded your hands become. The friction between your hands and the rope will only create wounds or will give you calloused hands. Likewise, staying in a bad relationship will only bring you pain. It will hurt you physically and emotionally, and remember that emotional pain is very difficult to heal. Learn to let go when holding unto it becomes painful. Learn to let go before you find yourself hardened by all the pain. Save yourself and walk away. And if they are hurting you physically, I’m telling you, RUN – do not just walk away  but run away from that person.

Continue reading “12 Insights Learned From A Broken Heart”