Posted in Epistles of the Heart

Knock! Knock! It’s Time To Wake Up

I think you have had enough and it’s time to wake up now. You never love him anymore. You only love the things and feelings that he made you experience. You miss the feeling of being with someone who treats you special and honestly, there are other men out there who can treat you better. If he loves you, he could have fought for you. Yet he gave up on you without even trying to make things work when the relationship starts to get shaky and confusing. He left you without giving you any reasons and that alone is an obvious reason to wake up. You’ve been so down and depressed these past days and it has taken it’s toll on your body. You look horrible, to be honest. You aged and look older than your age. You have neglected your body and wallowed on the sadness of your heart. It’s time to shape up like literally!!

It’s time to move on and leave all the pains behind. It’s time to look forward to what’s ahead instead of always looking back behind you. The shadows of the past will always be shadows, a formless and non-existent mass of darkness if you choose to stay in the light. Never stay in the dark or away from the light. That will only make the shadows reappear. The past cannot be undone. It will always be there. However, you can always choose to move forward and never let these pains and hurt tie a shackle in your feet. You have the option to overcome it or empower it. Never let the latter got ahead of you. Never empower your past hurt because it will enslave you. Instead, overcome it. Show these shadows who the real master is, and it’s you. The power is all in you hands. You just have to choose it, badly want it, and to never let whatever negativities pull you down.

Girl, remember this: We are all fighting our own battles. But those who emerged winners don’t always have the best past. They are usually those who happen to have the most difficult past but have become masters of these difficulties. I’ve known you better and you can do better than this. You are a fighter. Never let these pain dull your sword. Instead, use this as an additional weapon to fight what’s ahead of you.

It’s been a year. It’s but timely to leave all these hurt behind. Be happy for him that despite all that he’s been through and done, someone still love him more than you do. You will eventually find that man who will do the same for you, who will love you and treasure you more that he has ever made you feel. And if in case that man will never come to your life, never think that he could have been him only you never gave your best shot for this relationship. You did, more than anyone could ever imagine. It’s just that he failed to see it. He failed to value all the sacrifices you gave to make the relationship work. He never saw how bad you felt for bending those principles that you have kept hidden in your heart.

Knock! Knock on your head! It’s time to let go…And the perfect time is NOW!!

And one more thing, the best revenge you can ever give him is to show him that you are better, that your life is better, that you are happy and successful without him. It’s time to do those things for yourself. Do those things that make you happy.

 

Posted in Food for Thoughts

Pitter-Patters on The Roof

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She stares blankly on the pouring rain. The noise of the pitter-patters on the roof is trying to drown the voice from within. There are so many voices lately that she cannot figure out which is true and which is not. She wished she could stay curled in her bed all day, curved like a ball in the hope that doing so could lessen the emptiness she felt inside. The booming thunder cannot surpass the thuds of her heart as it beats faster and faster like raising thunderbolts across her chest. With each thud comes heaviness of breathing she cannot define. It seems like someone is trying to gag her mouth and want her dead by suffocation. Yes, death would be such a welcoming treat because it would mean silence from all the voices she cannot even understand. It would mean relief from all the emptiness inside. It would mean comfort from all the pain she kept hiding inside.

“Ahhhhhhhhh! Noooooo! Heeeeellllpppp!”

Three loud shouts came out of her mouth. And not long after, her mother rushed to her side. She’s been like that for the past three months. Panic attack is her frequent visitor. Her mother hugged her, trying to calm her down. Her shirt is soaked in sweat yet her palms are cold and white. Fear is painted across her face as if someone is trying to hurt her. As tears slowly fall from her eyes, as the heaviness of breathings starts to subside, she felt the soothing calmness of the pitter-patters on the roof.

She is a survivor and she will overcome all these madness she is currently facing. Whatever it takes, how long it may take, she will survive. Life has been bad lately. Things aren’t turning out the way she planned them to be. But she is hopeful, she will make it through.

She stares outside again but this time, no pouring rain. Instead, painted across the sky is a promise, a hope of a better, colourful tomorrow. She will still have panic attacks, that’s for sure. But death is never an option.

Life is beautiful! Never give up when problems try to pull you down. Believe that everything will be alright.

Stay in love! Stay in God’s love!

Dawn 🙂

 

Posted in Food for Thoughts

Haunted By A Beautiful Nightmare


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“Paasa” – A Filipino word which is defined as “A person who leads someone on (intentionally or not). Appealing as if they are genuinely interested romantically when they are not. – Better Than English

There are so many “paasa” out there, waiting to get a chance to trick us or play with our heart. Maybe you have had a first-hand experience or you have a friend who was once a victim of “paasa”. Do not be disheartened. Someday they will be okay. Someday you will be okay. It may not be today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week or next month, but I tell you, YOU WILL BE OKAY soon.

I come across a video in Youtube, one of the series of Mga Kwento ni Roger sa Pagong #3 Sinanay Mo Kasi. And in the hope of reaching more of the general populace especially the English-speaking audience, I translated the video. Although this is not a word-for-word translation but I hope you’ll get the message. (For those Filipinos reading this, you can click on the title of the video to redirect you to Youtube.)

“Good morning! Don’t forget to have your breakfast. Looking forward to talk to you when you wake up” – these are the usual messages that would greet me upon waking up. Your sweet nothings never fail to make me smile and brighten my day. It’s so great to wake up everyday even though I know that it might be a very busy and tiresome day. And every night, your messages of “Good night. Sweet dreams. Sleep tight” would always lull me to sleep. It’s so nice to know that whether I am awake or asleep, there is someone who treats me as if I am the most important person in his life.

There were no dull moments when I am with you. Every time I am with you, my world stops and I only see you. You never fail to make me laugh. Whether the topic is just nonsense or some matters that are so important, both of us are ready to listen and understand. Whether it’s just everyday drama or funny moments, I knew that you are always there to listen to my rants and stupid stories. You became my reason to smile during those dark and gloomy times of my life. And you often tell me that I inspire you to see life in its brighter side. I make you smile, you would usually tell me. Your smile is enough to brighten my day. You were my shoulder to cry on, my pillow during my lonely nights. I feel so blessed because I know that I have you in my life.

Talking to you everyday feels like eternity. I started to believe that I will never be alone again. As certain as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, I feel to sure in myself that you will be the one that I want to grow old with. My world may seem so dark and uncertainty looms ahead, but walking with you and knowing that you will be there for me in every step of the way has given me strength. I often ask myself what have I done to deserve someone like you in my life. There are other girls out there, girls that are far better than I am, yet you chose to be with me and to be in my life. I started to believe that you are not like those other guys out there. That you are different. You are one of a kind. You may not always say the words “I love you” but you never fail to let me feel that you love me.

I started to believe in forever. I didn’t prepare myself with the reality that all these are temporary, that all these will come to pass. All of a sudden, you started to change. It seems like everything stops. Little did I know that as the seasons are changing, as the leaves start to fall, as the wind gets colder, and as the snowflakes started to appear, so are you. I couldn’t think of any reason why you start to withdraw and to distance yourself from me. Like a balloon that escaped from my grasp, you are slowly moving away and waiting to pop or get lost. You started to change. And I started asking myself why. Why is this happening? Why are you leaving me without giving me reasons? Why are you hurting me? Why did you come into why life just to ruin it? Why? Please, I need answers. Please answer me.

My once-so-awesome day that starts with sweet messages from you is now plain and normal, and I just can’t wait for it to end. Gone were the days of restful sleep and instead long sleepless nights haunt me. My mind and my heart are always in a duel against each other, asking why? So many questions of why’s – all of them unanswered. I am so used of you being always there. I am used of always talking to you. You taught me to believe that you are an inspiration in this dark and poorly lit side of my life. You are my reason to go on with my life, to fight and be strong amidst all adversities. You are the reason for long laughs, those moments when my stomach hurts so much and I am teary-eyed for laughing so hard. You give me the reason to trust again.

And all of a sudden you just disappear. Out of the blue, you are gone. And now, you’ve given me a reason to get watery eyes. You’ve given me the reason to be afraid again, to never trust and give my heart to anyone else. You taught me to build walls, to surround my heart with strong and unbreakable barrier so that no one like you will be able to penetrate it again. You shouldn’t have come into my life when you know that you’re not planning to stay. You shouldn’t have taught me to live a life so dependent of you. You have just given me a reason to believe that you are no better than them. In fact, you are so much like them.

Anyway, all this time I was just hoping that maybe you are different from the rest of the guys I met. It’s just so sad that you let me feel that I was wrong. But don’t worry, I will bounce back. And this time I will let you see that I am strong. I will be happy again, but you won’t be the reason of it. I know it will be a long journey but I will get there sometime soon.”

It is so sad to know that these type of people exist. I couldn’t find any reasons to justify such actions because for me, love is not about hurting others. Yes, we can never separate pain from love because whether we like it or not pain, hurt, and being broken is all part of falling. But why is it that there are others out there who would pretend to catch us when we fall? And when we finally take that fall, they are nowhere to be found. Love is not a game. Love is a beautiful gift that should be shared between two people. Love should never be used just to have a bit of fun and merry-making.

Stay in love. Stay in God’s love!

Dawn 🙂

Posted in Rhythms and Rhymes

Me On The Other Side


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You’re so happy when you’re with her
Her voice is like melody to your ear
I see your eyes twinkle
With excitement every time she talks
You laugh even to her most shallow jokes

You always speak highly about her
Your world only revolves around her
From you my world gets further
You without her equates to death
But seeing you with her I’m out of breath

And here I am on the other side
Standing on your world’s other side
Looking at you so happy with her
Not minding the drops of every tear
And the sound as my heart shatter

And here I am on the other side
I am alone and I want to hide
I’m trying to overcome this desperation
I want move on and accept your decision
I wish I can be happy with our separation

And another tear falls from my eye
The sole witness of my cry
The last drop before this feeling die
I should confront this ghost
And the reality that everything is lost

I wish you could see me too
See the love that I can give you
Why can you not see
Look at the shattered part of me
A part of me that’s falling apart
A part of me that wants your heart

Alone on this side of life
With my heart and mind on strife
I really don’t know what to think
So I will just express everything
Through paper and ink

PHOTO CREDITS: http://www.unionchapel.org.uk/pages/abandonment.html

Posted in Food for Thoughts

Five Ways to Master the Art of Letting Go


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I’ve been given the chance to feel love. I’ve had so much experiences, mostly hurtful, about this damn thing called LOVE. I am not perfect and definitely not a totally good person but I deserve to be happy, right? Everyone deserves to be happy. We all do. But why do we experience all these pains and heartbreak? Why do we have to cry ourselves to sleep? Why do we need to drown ourselves in music just to numb our feelings, tune out all these stupid thoughts and questions in our brain, zone out to that place of emotionlessness.

Music is my best friend and my dark room is my refuge. I really love being in the dark because no one sees me. No one sees the tears. No one knows my pain. No one hears my sob. In darkness there is solitude. But in darkness there is also loneliness. But music is there. And music keeps me company. These are the times when one song and only one song keeps on playing, on repeat. These are the times when I just want to drown myself with the music. Let the song speak for me coz I have no strength to voice out, to describe all the pains and hurts that are inside me. If only I am strong enough to leave these all behind. If only I have the strength to drop these baggages and focus on what’s ahead of me. And I know that in one way or another, we all have these stupid moments in our lives. Those moments of failed relationships and broken heart.

They say “letting go” is the best thing to do. Ideally that is the super “bestest” thing to do. But honestly? That is the most difficult thing to do. And I am no expert in this art of letting go. But let me give you some point on how to move on and get back on track because seriously, it’s your life and there’s no one but you who will decide what to do with it.

1. Realize that PAIN is all in the mind

So you are in pain. You are betrayed and cheated. He/She left you hanging in the air, like you were holding in a single-stringed balloon and suddenly POP! – the balloon burst and you came crashing to the ground. That totally hurts. But you see, there is no physical pain, the pain that you felt is all in the mind. Admit it, but its your ego that was trashed. You have thoughts like “I have done my best in this relationship” or “why is my best not enough for him” or the worst “what have done wrong?” Seriously? You are in pain right now because you keep on thinking that it was your fault. My dear, THAT PAIN is only in your mind. And the more you dwell on those thoughts about what could have gone wrong or was your best not enough, the more you pierce yourself with that knife you have in your hand. So, clear that mind and start seeing the brighter side of that break up!

2. Show some respect for yourself

You are in pain? YES. You know that pain is only in the mind? YES. But you don’t want to eat. You don’t want to get out of your room. You don’t even want to take a bath! Now that is too much. You’re already in too much emotional pain, why would you still subject yourself in more physical pain like ulcer, hang over, headache, and stink! What you have in this very difficult time of your life is yourself and YOU ought to give that self some of your respect and love. Remember, no one will love you if you don’t love yourself. But you will insist that you want to be alone, you want to disappear, that you want to die. Crap! That’s bull s#*t!! You will never be able to get your boyfriend/girlfriend back if you die. Simple! I know we need to cry over something that we lost, but doing that for more than a month is not healthy. So open that bedroom window, get a warm bath, put on your best clothes, and start living a life that you deserve.

3. Remember that Life is not just pure happiness

There is no need to expound on this. All I have to say is that, you should accept that you will never be able to experience total happiness while you are still alive. Pain, hurt, loss, being cheated, and betrayal are all part of living. So you were betrayed? Be thankful coz you are still alive. Period!

4. Learn from your past and grow

They say, good experiences make us happy while bad experiences make us strong. So you had a bad relationship. You’ve been through a very mind-blowing break up. Are you going to sulk? Are yo going to drown yourself in beer and wine? Will you let yourself stink and rot and die in your room? Think again. Everything happens for a reason. Yes, you are allowed to drink and mourn over the loss. You’ve been so down and lost but remember: THIS IS NOT THE END! As long as you are alive and you are breathing, life goes on. You may be hurt now but don’t let this stop you from living. There is so much to learn, so many places to explore, and so many fishes in the sea! So you are hurt. Fine! But you need to let it go for you to grow and become stronger and fiercer and bolder.

5. Reflect and pray

Sometimes, we feel so hurt that we question ourselves what have we done wrong. We ask ourselves why all these happen or what have we done in the past to deserve such misery. But sometimes, we couldn’t find any answer. Because honestly, there is no answer to those questions. Things happen because they ought to happen. It’s neither because you’ve done something nor this is your Karma. It is not because you have not given your best that is why your current relationship fail. We need to reflect over the past events in our lives not because we need to know where have we gone wrong but because we need to determine where God is leading us. Sometimes, relationships fail because God has better plans in our lives. Reflect on His words and let His embrace cover you in this dark moment of your life. The first four pointers will be useless if God won’t exist in our life. Pray for healing and let His love overflow in your heart.

So how can we master the art of letting go? It is by praying and believing that God’s mercy, love and grace will surely help us through the pain. Letting go will not be a piece of cake, it will never be easy. But with God, nothing is impossible. Let go and let God!

PHOTO CREDIT: http://bellawonder.com/2011/09/22/letting-go/

Posted in Rhythms and Rhymes

Shadows

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The future is unfolding
But in the past I’m still holding
Deep inside I’m still hoping
That in the end, with you I’m walking.

But as we walk through this life
You pierce my heart with a knife
You are lost and so am I
Gone without saying goodbye.

The future is dark and gloomy
The silence is quite creepy
The thud of my heart is deafening
And all alone I am walking.

In the dark, I stumble and fall
But I won’t give up at all
If I can’t walk then I will crawl
I know I will make it through it all.

The future is dark and gloomy
The silence is really creepy
But this fight is for me;
I must be whole again and free
So that again I can be happy,
So that again I can be me.

PHOTO CREDITS: http://selfunification.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Shadow-Hall.jpg