“Paasa” – A Filipino word which is defined as “A person who leads someone on (intentionally or not). Appealing as if they are genuinely interested romantically when they are not. – Better Than English
There are so many “paasa” out there, waiting to get a chance to trick us or play with our heart. Maybe you have had a first-hand experience or you have a friend who was once a victim of “paasa”. Do not be disheartened. Someday they will be okay. Someday you will be okay. It may not be today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week or next month, but I tell you, YOU WILL BE OKAY soon.
I come across a video in Youtube, one of the series of Mga Kwento ni Roger sa Pagong #3 Sinanay Mo Kasi. And in the hope of reaching more of the general populace especially the English-speaking audience, I translated the video. Although this is not a word-for-word translation but I hope you’ll get the message. (For those Filipinos reading this, you can click on the title of the video to redirect you to Youtube.)
“Good morning! Don’t forget to have your breakfast. Looking forward to talk to you when you wake up” – these are the usual messages that would greet me upon waking up. Your sweet nothings never fail to make me smile and brighten my day. It’s so great to wake up everyday even though I know that it might be a very busy and tiresome day. And every night, your messages of “Good night. Sweet dreams. Sleep tight” would always lull me to sleep. It’s so nice to know that whether I am awake or asleep, there is someone who treats me as if I am the most important person in his life.
There were no dull moments when I am with you. Every time I am with you, my world stops and I only see you. You never fail to make me laugh. Whether the topic is just nonsense or some matters that are so important, both of us are ready to listen and understand. Whether it’s just everyday drama or funny moments, I knew that you are always there to listen to my rants and stupid stories. You became my reason to smile during those dark and gloomy times of my life. And you often tell me that I inspire you to see life in its brighter side. I make you smile, you would usually tell me. Your smile is enough to brighten my day. You were my shoulder to cry on, my pillow during my lonely nights. I feel so blessed because I know that I have you in my life.
Talking to you everyday feels like eternity. I started to believe that I will never be alone again. As certain as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, I feel to sure in myself that you will be the one that I want to grow old with. My world may seem so dark and uncertainty looms ahead, but walking with you and knowing that you will be there for me in every step of the way has given me strength. I often ask myself what have I done to deserve someone like you in my life. There are other girls out there, girls that are far better than I am, yet you chose to be with me and to be in my life. I started to believe that you are not like those other guys out there. That you are different. You are one of a kind. You may not always say the words “I love you” but you never fail to let me feel that you love me.
I started to believe in forever. I didn’t prepare myself with the reality that all these are temporary, that all these will come to pass. All of a sudden, you started to change. It seems like everything stops. Little did I know that as the seasons are changing, as the leaves start to fall, as the wind gets colder, and as the snowflakes started to appear, so are you. I couldn’t think of any reason why you start to withdraw and to distance yourself from me. Like a balloon that escaped from my grasp, you are slowly moving away and waiting to pop or get lost. You started to change. And I started asking myself why. Why is this happening? Why are you leaving me without giving me reasons? Why are you hurting me? Why did you come into why life just to ruin it? Why? Please, I need answers. Please answer me.
My once-so-awesome day that starts with sweet messages from you is now plain and normal, and I just can’t wait for it to end. Gone were the days of restful sleep and instead long sleepless nights haunt me. My mind and my heart are always in a duel against each other, asking why? So many questions of why’s – all of them unanswered. I am so used of you being always there. I am used of always talking to you. You taught me to believe that you are an inspiration in this dark and poorly lit side of my life. You are my reason to go on with my life, to fight and be strong amidst all adversities. You are the reason for long laughs, those moments when my stomach hurts so much and I am teary-eyed for laughing so hard. You give me the reason to trust again.
And all of a sudden you just disappear. Out of the blue, you are gone. And now, you’ve given me a reason to get watery eyes. You’ve given me the reason to be afraid again, to never trust and give my heart to anyone else. You taught me to build walls, to surround my heart with strong and unbreakable barrier so that no one like you will be able to penetrate it again. You shouldn’t have come into my life when you know that you’re not planning to stay. You shouldn’t have taught me to live a life so dependent of you. You have just given me a reason to believe that you are no better than them. In fact, you are so much like them.
Anyway, all this time I was just hoping that maybe you are different from the rest of the guys I met. It’s just so sad that you let me feel that I was wrong. But don’t worry, I will bounce back. And this time I will let you see that I am strong. I will be happy again, but you won’t be the reason of it. I know it will be a long journey but I will get there sometime soon.”
It is so sad to know that these type of people exist. I couldn’t find any reasons to justify such actions because for me, love is not about hurting others. Yes, we can never separate pain from love because whether we like it or not pain, hurt, and being broken is all part of falling. But why is it that there are others out there who would pretend to catch us when we fall? And when we finally take that fall, they are nowhere to be found. Love is not a game. Love is a beautiful gift that should be shared between two people. Love should never be used just to have a bit of fun and merry-making.
Stay in love. Stay in God’s love!