At some point in our lives, we go through pains of broken heart and broken relationships. In man’s pursuit for love, pain and suffering is inevitable. However, in every pain and suffering one goes through, we can always learn and gain insights that can equip us in moving forward and in trying to love again. These lessons make us stronger in facing life’s struggles and challenges.
I have my fair share of pains, human as I am. However, I am grateful for all the teachings life has given me. I hope that these insights will also inspire everyone to believe that love is just around the bend and that no failure is truly a failure, but are blessings-in-disguise and lessons in life.
1. Never love someone’s possibilities
You are the optimist. You believe that there is goodness in every one. You know that someday, he will change and you will live happily ever after. However, after one year, three years or maybe seven years, he is still the same a**h*le that he is. You get frustrated. You started to fight and little did you know, the relationship started to fail. It is going the drain or sinking in the sand. And where did it leave you? You were left broken, empty, and pained. Why? It is not because the relationship fails. It is not because you end up walking away from each other and living separate lives. The main reason is you hold on to a possibility of him – of him changing into someone you envisioned, someone you wanted him to become. You love some alter ego, unrealistic personality that you expect him to be. Loving is accepting who he is without the thought of transforming him into a perfect guy in a shining armor. Never love someone’s possibilities. You’ll end up hurt, broken, and frustrated.
2. You cannot give what you do not have
An empty well cannot give fresh water. Likewise, a person full of hurt and pain cannot give real love. Hurt and frustration will only lead to distrust and suspicions. That is the reason why, every broken person should properly heal before engaging in another relationship. You can never give love if inside your heart, all you feel is pain. Let yourself heal before you enter into a new relationship. You can never love with all your heart if it is not whole in the first place.
3. You are more than enough but sometimes others can’t see it
After every failed relationship, we often ask ourselves what went wrong or why we weren’t enough for him. I learned that being enough is so subjective. You may be lacking for him but never let that get the best in you. A person who will tell you that you’re not enough or that you’re not who they dreamed of being with is selfish because they only think of their own happiness and contentment. Anyone who told you that you’re not good, you’re not worth it, and you’re not enough for him is someone who is not completely happy with their lives. A happy and contented person will never need anyone to complete them or fulfill any function in their lives because they can survive on their own. Look for someone who wants and not needs you. If he needs you, once that need is not met or if someone is able to supply that need rather than you, he will eventually leave you.
4. Don’t sacrifice your happiness to save a relationship
If the relationship is depriving you the chance to be happy, it is a red flag. It’s time to let go. We all need to be with someone because it amplifies the happiness that we have. Once you are not happy with the relationship, you have to rethink about keeping it. We all make sacrifices when it comes to relationship. However, if it reaches the point that your own happiness is jeopardized, it’s time to re-evaluate.
Likewise, never look for happiness in a relationship. It should start from within you. You must be truly happy being single for you to be happy being in a relationship. Never seek happiness from someone else.
5. Learn when to hold on and when to let go.
Sometimes, holding on is more painful than letting go. It is like holding on to a piece of rope, the tighter your grip is, the more abraded your hands become. The friction between your hands and the rope will only create wounds or will give you calloused hands. Likewise, staying in a bad relationship will only bring you pain. It will hurt you physically and emotionally, and remember that emotional pain is very difficult to heal. Learn to let go when holding unto it becomes painful. Learn to let go before you find yourself hardened by all the pain. Save yourself and walk away. And if they are hurting you physically, I’m telling you, RUN – do not just walk away but run away from that person.
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